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COVENANT COMMITMENT IN
IN-DEPTH INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
ON THE VERTICAL AND HORIZONTAL PLANES

Covenant = Binding agreement

Commitment = Pledge, trust, bound emotionally or intellectually.

Depth = Deep part or place in something or someone. Coverage of something likely to be overlooked.

Relationship = The condition or fact of being related, implying kinship.

Eph. 5:22-24 Wives submit:

Why?

A wife who will submit to her husband, even to the point of forcing him to lead, presents herself as an audio/visual aid to her husband, depicting what his submission to the Lord should be as a submitted man of God. Her "forcing" him to lead (in submission) is a mirror image of the Lords gentle force in maturing a leader.

Eph. 5:25-29 Husbands love:

Why?

As the husband loves and leads his wife, he is the mirror image to her of how Jesus loves and leads him. He is her audio/visual aid. If he is dominant and/or unlearned in scriptural relationships, his relationship with the Lord is revealed. God can, and will, deal with him. His wife is NOT required to submit to dominant, hateful leadership.

Eph. 5:30-33

Members of His body?

If a husband and wife do not have this type of relationship, it is a mirror image to others of their relationship with the Lord Jesus. If they have no covenant commitment in in-depth personal relationship with each other, they have no relationship with the Lord. Marriage is a mirror image of the "Bride of Christ", ie. ones relationship with Jesus.

In singles or other "outside" relationships, the same principles should apply. A female seeks to respond to a male. However, the male must initiate proper initiations or he will elicit improper responses. Improper initiations are a mirror image of the males walk with Jesus Christ. If he cannot or will not initiate proper responses, he has not a proper walk with the Lord. He (or she) is self-centered, not God centered, and must repent.

One can spend hours, days, and weeks in the Word, and have the Bible memorized from cover to cover, and still have no covenant commitment in in-depth interpersonal relationships. If such is the case, that person has no relationship with the Lord and does not know Him. They have NO relationships. It is impossible to have a relationship with Jesus that does not spill out on everyone around us (John 7:38).

Relationships are a mirror image of our relationship with the Lord Jesus (1 John 4:20).

Friendship Practiced Can Be Something Beautiful

Scripture References:
        Jo 13:34-35;
        Ro 13:8-10;
        Jo 2:8;
        1Pe 1:22,
        1 Jo 3:18;
        1Jo 4:7-8.

I. If past hurts are still present they are not healed.
A. We avoid discussing or confronting our inner (real) self using...
1. Sublimation, denial, projection, repression, displaced hostility, rationalization, self-punishment, fantasy, compulsiveness.
B. We are not to live in past or present fears or unreality.
1. We live in a thought world; good, bad and indifferent.
2. Thoughts generally include our view of people, ie: interpersonal relationships ARE involved.
3. Recognition must come that all of us need spiritual surgery. All of us carry hurts, fears, self-centeredness, etc.
C. Gods will is that we be healed, and He commands Love.
1. Love and intimacy are not sex; such is the narrow-minded view.
D. Definition of Love.
1. Strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.
2. Attraction based on sexual desire; the affection & tenderness felt by lovers.
3. Affection based on admiration, benevolence or common interests.
4. Unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.
5. Gods concern for man, brotherly concern for others, personal adoration of God.
E. Definition of Intimate.
1. Essential, belonging to or characterizing ones deepest nature.
2. Marked by very close association, contact, or familiarity.
3. Marked by a warm friendship developing through long association, suggesting informed warmth or privacy of a very personal
or private nature.

II. Five levels of friendship or Love in the present time.
A. Acquaintance.
1. Spasmodic personal contact.
2. Freedom to ask general questions.
B. Casual friendship.
1. Common interests of activities and concerns.
2. Freedom to ask specific questions.
C. Close friendship.
1. Based on mutual life goals.
2. Implies involvement (as in projects).
D. Intimate friendship.
1. Based on the commitment to the development of each other’s character and freedom to correct one another.
E. What is Love?
1. When the satisfaction, security and development of another person become as significant to you as your own satisfaction, security and
development, love exists.
2. If there is no one in our life whose satisfaction, security and development is of concern to us, we do not have love and are in violation
of Gods greatest commandment. Whatever it is that we are calling love is as sounding brass or tinkling cymbal (1 Co. 13).
F. How do we move into Love?
1. Get past our own fears, frustrations and anxieties.
2. Recognize we are going to make mistakes and it's OK.
3. Learn to accept ourselves just as we are.
G. Definition of unconditional Love.
1. Not limited, absolute, unqualified.
H. Make the decision; I will be your friend, I will love you whether or not friendship or love is returned.
1. Then expect nothing in return.
2. The other person is free to hate you if they want to.
3. 1Co 10:24 commands that we become involved in in-depth interpersonal relationships.
4. If we refuse to become involved in others lives, in depth, we are operating from a realm of total self-centeredness whatever form
it takes.

III. Poisons to Love, "Reasons" for Anger.
A. Angry, degrading, contemptuous thoughts are from Satan. We believe our fellow man is not worth loving. (Mt 5:2i-26).
1. Injustice: Thinking someone has done you wrong.
2. Humiliation: Believing someone's denial of your significance.
3. Imitation: As when you imitate those you run with. Anger is contagious (Pr 22:24).
4. Frustration: When you don't know what else to do.
5. Anger makes you an instrument of cruelty (Ge 49:5)
B. Impure, lustful thoughts. The most powerful driving force in the world today is the Holy Spirit. The second most powerful driving force
is the human sexual drive.
1. If we are not operating from and in the Holy Spirit, our sex drive is our most powerful motivational force whether or not the sexual
drive is sublimated (Mt 5:27-32).
C. Untrue, unjust, deceitful thoughts that include gossip, hateful thoughts, and the pleasures derived from those hateful thoughts that we
willingly entertain. (Mt 5:33-37; 1 Co 10:3-6).
D. Thoughts of retaliation and revenge. Mt 5:38-42.
E. Thoughts of hate and unwillingness to forgive.
1. The antithesis to love is JEALOUSY. (Mt 5:43-48)
2. Not being secure in YOURSELF in relationships breeds jealousy.
F. All vainglorious, self-admiring thoughts.
1. Me? Friends with him? Not in my class (Mt 6:1-18).
G. Covetous and ambitious thoughts (Mt 6:25-34).
H. nxious and worried thoughts (Mt 6:25-34).
I. Judgmental, critical thoughts about others (Mt 7:1-5).

IV. Salvation is available now.
A. In answer to, "I don't know them well enough to open up or be a friend to them".
1. We can be absolutely honest (1 Pe 4:12).
2. Freedom and healing comes with in-depth interpersonal relationships.
B. In answer to, "I'm scared, or, I've been hurt".
1. Be real and say so. Men and women can relate, just recognize your hurts, fears, sexual drive, etc., sublimated or not, and deal with it.
Bring it under the control of Jesus.
2. Allow God to work through others to affect your healing (Mt 9:12).
3. Allow God to work through you to heal others.
4. We all suffer with a universal affliction. We're loaded down with secrets, fears, sufferings, sorrows, disappointments and guilt, and
can't find anyone we will trust enough to unburden ourselves.

V. How Covenant Commitment Really Works.
A. It takes a man to make a woman a woman. It takes a woman to make a man a man. It takes in-depth relationships to make all of us what
we should be.
1. We stay away from relationships because...we'll be exposed.
2. Men choose to continue suffering consequences rather than expose themselves, become vulnerable, teachable and be healed.
3. Most men would rather be right than be healed.
4. Why do men continually emotionally abuse one another?
5. A mirror image ..... No relationships with people, no relationship with Jesus.

Why Are Covenant Relationships So necessary?

"Lees" is the sediment in the bottom of a wine vessel. In order to filter out this sediment, a second vessel or jug is first covered with a cloth then the wine is poured from the full vessel to the empty one. The cloth filters out the sediment while the pouring enhances the wine by stirring and aeration. This is done several times during the fermenting process so that the result is truly fine wine. We need to be poured from vessel to vessel (person to person) in order to come out "truly fine". (Jer 48:11).

The Lord will search out, with His search light, those who remain "settled on their lees" and receive no purification or enhancing by being poured from vessel to vessel. We all contain sediment. And, just as the wine cannot empty itself from vessel to vessel, neither can we. (Zeph 1:12). We are chosen vessels of God, just as Saul was. (Acts 9:15) God can make us either a vessel unto honor or dishonor, the choice is ours. (Ro 9:21-24)

We should know how to possess our vessels in honor and sanctification (set apart), as a chosen vessel. (1Th 4:4-8) Clean ourselves up so we can help other hurting people clean themselves up so the devil stops winning. (2Ti 2:19-26) We are the vessels of the ministry (He 9:21).

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Author: W S Jordan